Well friends, today was a different sort of day. It marks the beginning
of my third week abroad, and the beginning of my personal reflection of
my surroundings: grey, dismal and cold. I don't know if it is hormones,
the weather finally starting to get to me (successfully fought off a cold
last week), or my desire for something more meaningful then the many
kindly superficial relationships I have created. Polish people, while
very open and inquisitive are not the most physical of people. After a
wonderful warm summer of hugs, dancing, camping and much love (Grassroots
& Willard Way!), the traditional Polish custom of shaking hands with
close friends as a greeting seems lacking. I think this observation is
more a reflection on the American easy-acceptance and openness than
Polish traditions in particular.
Effectively: I need some lovin! Please send warm cozy words and
thoughts my way. :-)
Reality at hand: At least the first leg of my journey has landed me with some strong activists, and I'm questioning a lot of my motivations. I knew this journey was very important for me to take, but I didn't really know why. Now I see it really is an evaluation of my role in society and what I am going to do about that. The more I travel, the more I learn about myself. My first day here, walking down Ulica Piotrkowska (the main drag), it all felt so familiar, yet inaccessible at the same time. I repeated to myself "Where-ever you go, there you are," many times, and still do.
Today on the 20 minute tram ride home through gray streets past
indiscernable semi-old gray factories, apartments and schools, men with
handsome faces and warm coats, and women with dyed hair and beautiful
legs always in high-heeled boots, stockings and short skirts, my sadness
was strong in my heart. I closed my eyes and instructed myself to think
of a beautiful place I'd rather be, where I'd be most happy. Immediately
I thought of Poland, as I've desired and dreamt of being here for so
long, and anticipated almost exactly the conditions of my surroundings.
This made me smile, but quickly the muscles around my mouth relaxed and I
assumed the expression of _everyone_ around me: sullen. I certainly fit
in. Many many times during the day I am approached to ascertain
directions, or some such desire. I smile and say I'm sorry, but I don't
know.
Again, that request for warm thoughts...
I know I will move to another stage of repose soon, but at the moment I
have achieved full camoflauge. Anyone miss me?
love, angelica